You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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