Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
