i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
