I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
