I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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