Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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