yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
