He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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