im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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