It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Randomize
