I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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