she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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