You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
