Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
