he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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