Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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