I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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