I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
