and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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