You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
