He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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