you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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