I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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