So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
