I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize