I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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