can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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