Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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