im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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