I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize