he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I just found puke in my bra..
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
