I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
