I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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