toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
