On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Actions speak louder than pants.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
