Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
