She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
