Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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