She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
