i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
