Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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