Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
