I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
