Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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