Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
