If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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