The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
