At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
