You're so nebulous sometimes
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
