i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
