nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
