I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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