The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The best revenge is premature balding
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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