i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
