I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
