Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
