so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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