sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He kissed a someone with a penis
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
