Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
