Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
