I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize