Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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