that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
