If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
