Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
