you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
