Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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