I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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