:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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