I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Can Purell be used as lube?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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