It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
