I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She said her name was "party"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
