Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
