when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Umm I'm too high to move.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
