I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
