Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Its about making memories worth repressing
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
